What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
