just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
