Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
