Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
