Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
