Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
