the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
