we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
