i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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