Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize