apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
