fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
