I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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