k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
