I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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