the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
