"it" just moved
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize