if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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