i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
