another moral hangover. fuck.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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