I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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