my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
