Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
