Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
