Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize