Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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