I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
