so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
