The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
