Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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