i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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