I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
