All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
