My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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