i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
