I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
