Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
