It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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