ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize