she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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