If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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