I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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