Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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