Hey man sorry I got all grabby
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to have your abortion
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
