You just made me feel so damn special
one might say we're banned from that church
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
