the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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