Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
