So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
