My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize