so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm bleeding and have questions
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
