I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
