I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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