I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
