After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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