I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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