Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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