It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize