paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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