Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
