To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
