I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
