Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I stole a fireplace last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
