haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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