It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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