Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
