Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
