sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize