were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize