Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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