Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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