i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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