operation have a gay friend backfired
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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