he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
