Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
