we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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