apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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