stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
