i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
