Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
