Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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