I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
